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Posted: 30 May 2014 | 6:00 am
And you thought this was going to be hot news. Sorry, not today.
I feel the need to vent. My inner angst is about to explode, so my nickname could well be the ventilator. Just saying that has put me back on the road to mental well- being and recovery.
As the city lights of Bangkok disappear into the jet stream and our aging Thai Airways bus in the sky turns toward Ho Chi Minh City, my thoughts turn to the agony of a day best assigned to the bin. An absolute write-off.
My own personal survival story covers a period of twelve painstaking hours, during which I spent the entire time at Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi airport or for the sake of brevity, lets just say 12 hours at Bumi. Don't even ask why or how the episode started, or else my head will explode.
Patience and serenity are not any of my Linked-In skills and while I've always aspired to be a guru like Kung Fu master Caine, who transected the desert in peaceful harmony, mine is different path. Or even Gandhi, who was a great guy. But at this moment in time I'd gladly take a swing at the shiny head if he were still alive. But he's not, so lets move on.
The Gandhi influence might be rubbing off just a little bit so perhaps my traumatic experience at Bumi show others a better way. Life's a lesson and hopefully a few karma points can be thrown in for good measure. God knows I need them
So here goes, in no particular order, just as in life, my 12 Life Changing Observations At Bumi.
1. Coup? What coup? Clearly a good number of people didn't get that memo. An army of noisy groups coughing, sputtering and yelling made it entirely impossible to attain any peaceful plane of thought. I urge all travelers to Thailand, please return home and stop bothering us.
2. Brown suits. They are just wrong.
3. In the scheme of silly luggage, the combo backpack on wheels takes the cake. What do you think your back is for? Stop wheeling about and get to work, after all you bought this catastrophic monster.
4. Any gate that starts with the letter D in it, avoid at any cost. These are the C grade routes to places no one really want to go to. Thankfully there are not sheep allowed on planes. My flight to Vietnam which departed from D8 is one of these. This has to be Thai Airways oldest plane. I have to check out the window to make sure there aren't propellers and the seats are all permanently sagging in recline mode. The woman in front of me must think I'm about to give her a neck rub.
5. 12 hours is 720 minutes or 43,200 seconds. Instead of a needed break, I've aged a dozen years. If I were a dog, I'd be dead. Twice.
6. The air-con at Bumi is a wondrous thing. It works too well. If you want to know what it's like to be stuck in a refrigerator for two dog lifetimes ask me. At least dogs have hair. Why doesn't anything else in Thailand work as well as the air-con at Bumi.
7. There are many, many Thai Airways lounges at Bumi. I have visited them all. Actually three times each, all in one day.
8. You can walk for miles and not get anywhere, except you have to walk back again. I had a hard time taking my eyes off the fur coat of a Ukrainian Oligarch who was going all Gucci during my walkabout. It looked warm and cozy. The coat, that is. Please note, I am absolutely anti-fur except in life or death situations. And this might have been one of them.
9. Brown shoes, when wearing a black suit. Again so wrong on so many levels.
10. If I ever have a 5 am wake-up call again. I am sticking my head under the covers and going back to bed.
11. After half a dozen coffees, and four cocktails, all at different times of the day, returning to coffee again is very very bad idea.
12. Briefcases.? I mean the old leather kind like my father had, still exist. There's no laptop of iPad in these. At least at Gates starting with D at Bumi. Sure, the people only have a pack of cigarettes inside and a pair of Ray Bans but who cares. These retro buffoons from the 4th world need to return to 1975 immediately.
So that's it, the tribe has spoken. I will be returning to news soon so bear with me, the posts will again be focused, even if I'm not. My rant is over, and Caine, yes he ended up in that closet in a hotel room in Bangkok. He never had to take the return trip to Bumi.
All I can say is the thought that wisdom comes with age, is a lie. Truth is, impatience and a bad attitude can get you far in life, as long as you can find your way our of the nearest airport.
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