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Posted: 18 Aug 2012 | 6:00 am
Life's misadventures have found a whole existence of their own on a smattering of strange but true adventure television channels, which run show titles like Banged Up Abroad, Don't' Tell My Mother, Seconds from Disaster and Air Crash Investigation.
I can tune back my memory to those 1970s disaster movies such as The Towering Inferno and Poseidon Adventure. Sure, some perished so that others could survive. Maybe we lived in more innocent times, as we all know what happened in the more latter day Perfect Storm.
Yes they all died.
Hope does spring eternal, though I'm writing this at 32,000 feet in the air, and a series of bruising bumps just sent the big red flight attendant flying down the aisle. Never mind, as I play out a bizarre mid-air survival story, which could land me my very own episode in TV Land.
But I had started this article with purpose. Perhaps the turbulence has misplaced my mind for the moment. Yes, someone just turned on the bright reading light above me and brought me back to my senses.
Rarely does a succession of two weeks pass by when I don't receive a call, email or visitor in my office by a budding property developer who came upon a great notion and bought a piece of land. Sure, plans are often hatched in prison cells, smoky bars or else by Richard Nixon types in dark suits.
Visual aids are often provided such as tattered copies of land title deeds, matrix like design drawings of a labyrinth maze (I can never tell exactly which side is up), or else PowerPoint presentations by the really sharp people.
Certainly I feel like the realestate statue of liberty - welcoming those to America like the homeless, those without a country and some who really should seek some type of mental counseling.
But I digress and frankly speaking I do open my door to one and all, without favor or bias no matter how bizarre the scheme they may have plotted over the midnight oil.
In more cases than I can even recall with my age-shatteredmemory and short attention span, oftentimes the dream project is located somewhere just south of Neverland. Obscure locations, unrealistic proportions and little business sense is involved - just going by gut feel.
As my eyes glaze over, punctuated by non-offensive terms like "that's an interesting idea" (i.e. "Have you lost your mind?") to "hmm, now you are really thinking out of the box" (i.e.
"what box-like mental institution did you escape from recently?").
In some cases, be they rare, the idea is a good one and it does go on to make money. But, for the most part, the closing door only cues my inner cynic who cries out, "obviously you didn't think this one through".
Property is not the only domain of the rash, spur of the moment businessperson who lands in paradise and expects to double down in the dream life. Some buy beer bars, others are budding entrepreneurs and, frankly speaking, I have more time for this whole lot who get off the couch than the legion of sniping internet forum grouchaholics.
But, please, if you are out there and reading this, just come to my office and give me all of your money. Don't buy that island agricultural property which will surely be upgraded any minute, or entrust your life savings to a business nominee. Not only will you save all of the aggravation and torment of failure and an e xtended journey on the road to ruin, but you can enrich my life substantially.
What was it Nike said - do the right thing? Or was it the 'right stuff'. I don't know, as even Lance Armstrong looks to be headed down a one-way street these days.
Anyway for those of you who do have great ideas, my best advice is this. Study the market, learn the business and know there is no short cut to success.
There is most likely a reason why your innovative idea was never brought to market before - because is makes no sense.
I'm sorry if I have offended anyone here, but I, unlike you, I did think this through.
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