In the Beginning God Created Real Estate

Posted: 18 Jun 2011 | 6:00 am

For those who have ever read that popular publication The Bible, it's common knowledge that God pioneered the six-day work week.

Knackered and weary after nearly a week of creationfest, no one begrudged taking a little personal time on the seventh day to recharge his - or her - batteries.

Please note this was way before the advent of energy drinks, such as those potent little cans of Red Bull, or those handy 7-Elevens to drop in on in the middle of the night.

Of course what is often over-looked in all the earthly debate over evolution versus divine creation is God's startup role in the real estate business.

You see there was this sweet little piece of property, which has since become known as the Garden of Eden.

With kilometers of beachfront land, swept-back tropical palms and lush rainforest teaming with all manner of natural springs, this garden defined the term prime real estate.

Add-ons included unlimited fruit and vegetables free for the picking and. of course, no noisy neighbors or messy vendors on the beach. You could say it was paradise on earth.

After some protracted negotiations, God was able to seal a deal for the entire property to newlyweds Adam and Eve. However, they had ambitions beyond just a single home, perhaps thinking of like-minded individuals to follow who may also want a tropical house. They could even develop a small residential project.

Rather than breaking into their own piggy bank, the couple hatched a plan to sell these dream homes off-plan. With all the naivet one might expect from the first man and woman to call Earth home, they quickly launched a marketing plan with a few billboards and a nice glossy brochure.

Little did the innocent pair know that God had also recently entered into agreement for an adjoining property to an entrepreneur named Satan. It was not until the bulldozers started rumbling did they start to comprehend the nature of epic conflict that lay before them.

First came a buyout offer at virtually vulture pricing, as Adam and Eve's property simply had better views than those offered by envious Satan.

Next came a snake problem, and while they couldn't prove it, suspicions pointed to their devious neighbor. The only explanation was an apple tree that apparently attracted the reptilian menace.

A few off-plan deals collapsed and the only solution was to enlist the aid of only two real estate agents in the market: Cain and Able. Well aware of the inbred sibling rivalry, the young developers had to choose one. While the agents were indeed brothers by blood, they had become mortal enemies.

More tension arose over right-of-way issues to paradise from the nearby estates of heaven and hell, and those broker brothers simply came to blows whenever they came within sight of each other.

Eventually Adam strayed from the relationship, after being offered the temptation of forbidden fruit. Eve filed for divorce and the dream development never got off the ground.

Years later, God brought his son Jesus in to calm down the never-ending feuds and counterclaims over land use and other rights' issues, but the competition never abated, with upstart Satan throwing his two cents' worth in whenever he got the chance.

So there you have it, a languid tale of greed, naked ambition, lust and criminal activity all wrapped up neatly into one parcel. If it sounds familiar, then yes, that's how things go in paradise.

In the upside-down world of property, for all the successes there are also failures. But of course a little beachfront land is where the dream begins.

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